Archive for the ‘Errant musings’ Category

As a premise I suggest that you read the following two paragraphs properly. One is about a very well-known management philosophy called “Theory of Constraints” and the second one on a general observation around the pesky species you will find everywhere, not so affectionately called Assholes.

Clubbing these two and further tempered by my experience encountering many of these …I have an oven fresh but a very personal management principle and I call it ” Assholes never die

So here is the precursor to the “Theory of Constraints” . For those who may like to dig deeper , follow the link to the Wikipedia page and those of you who didn’t click , I must applaud your decision not to. The whole thing is an awful read.

Theory of Constraints (TOC) is an overall management philosophy introduced by Dr. Eliyahu M. Goldratt in his 1984 book titled The Goal, that is geared to help organizations continually achieve their goal.[1] The title comes from the contention that any manageable system is limited in achieving more of its goal by a very small number of constraints, and that there is always at least one constraint. The TOC process seeks to identify the constraint and restructure the rest of the organization around it, through the use of the Five Focusing Steps.

I am sure this wouldn’t have made much sense to you or why the hell it should ever make sense. We all know such philosophies are meant to be vague and cryptic . However simplifying it , here’s my interpretation

Every system has a bottleneck and the bottleneck is transient. So if you think you have identified the bottleneck for anything at your work place and eliminated it, be rest assured a new bottleneck will crop up somewhere else. So for better efficiency and effectiveness, we need to continuously identify and weed out the bottlenecks

Now coming to the second part of the story, about Assholes. To illustrate the powers of an asshole read this.

One day, all the human body parts started arguing about who was on top… The mouth said, ”I should be on top because, without me, you wouldn’t be able to eat.” Then the stomach said, ”Ya but if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be able to digest and transfer all the minerals and vitamins throughout the body, I should be on top.” Then the heart said, ”I should be on top because I’m the one who takes the blood from point A to point B. Without me, the body would die.” Then the brain said, ” Well, without me, you wouldn’t be able to move, eat, digest or allow circulation of blood, so I should be on top.” Now, the asshole was beginning to get annoyed, ”You know, I should be on top because I can just shut my hole and then shit will accumulate and block the digestive track and screw all of you up.” It was chaos, everyone was yelling and fighting. Finally, the asshole got fed up, ”That’s it, I’m fed up, I’m shutting up my hole.”

So for a few days, the body couldn’t shit and the brain had trouble moving, the stomach digesting, the mouth eating and the blood flow going, everyone was begging the asshole to open up, The brain said, ”Please open up, you made your point, your on top, just open up.” The asshole smiled, ”So everyone agrees that I’m on top?” ”YES” everyone shouted. ”OK!” so the asshole opened up and the body could shit again. The moral of this story is, an asshole will always win…

And now bringing both of these together – You will always come across an asshole , at work , in the form of annoying colleague or maybe a client or maybe one honking incessantly behind your car. For me, I keep running into many as I try hard to prop up my fledgling startup. I manage the business part and trust me , a business guy often gets to meet most of them. Its like being on an accelerated acquaintance process.

To illustrate further , I often make pitches and I meet one guy at a potential client. Have a great meeting and we are rolling. And then all of a sudden our friend develops a cold feet. Maybe because I didn’t give him the amount of respect a thoroughbred asshole deserves. So he acts like one and then my systems are clogged and gasping as an aftermath. So what do I do, I apply, the theory of Constraints. Try bypassing my friend, reach out to a better guy, do the pitch again, but I forget, nothing stops this guy from behaving as an asshole again.

And trust me it happens often, there is abundance of assholes around. If you are a startup these guys can literally choke the life out of your dreams , just for the heck to prove that assholes rule. If the Freemasons were known to have secret ways of identifying a fellow mason, I have a feeling these assholes too have it. Somehow they always operate in bunches. They behave alike and they think alike.

I always thought that, if I run into one , I can somehow bypass or eliminate one and move ahead. But later I realised, they will never die , with the tenacity and the resilience of a cockroach, an asshole morphs and morphs. And yes, can be found at multiple levels of an organization.

Lets accept the fact you cannot eliminate one, the trick is to identify one fast and ensure that he doesn’t waste your time and rape your spirits. And how do you identify one, that experience will teach you. There are no set rules to identify one.

Yes, this is a tale of Papa being raazi and Paparazzi

And this is not about tennis. I don’t have the slightest idea about Sania’s prowess on the grass or beyond. All my opinions about her are derived from what I have read about her and some conclusions drawn based on it, obviously limited by my mental faculties.

Let me see , what I remember of her. Obviously , I have received a few forwarded emails , which show her in different postures – some chasing the ball and some off court. Nice T – shirts , pretty colorful ones , I would say.

And then always some news about her injuries and early exits from tournaments. I wonder, if I can call her the Indian Anna Kournikova. If not equally pretty , but they both played bad …right ? Quite high on the glam , very low on the rest.

But this lady surely knows how to be in the news, from walking out of press conferences to announcements of marriage to old childhood friend. Fairly fairy tale kinda -stuff. Everybody was like Sohrab -who ? And then plenty of photo shoots of demure Sania and smiling Man along with her. Quite picture perfect.

But not before the Papparazzi sniffed pre-marital rift, all wasn’t right. They claimed the chap wasn’t too keen on her playing. Not for me to comment, but a declining career, it would have made a better sense to wish adieus to the sporting career. And maybe baking as the alternate profession for her.

But the biggest surprise was the new man in the picture. I was majorly amused when the news of the linkup with Mr. Malik came up. So somebody did take the “Aman ki Asha” thing very seriously.

Boy, post that its been a field day for all the news hungry media. Somebody dug up Mr. Siddiqui and then some footage of Arun Lal with Sohaib Malik . And the supposed pop -in -law breathing fire and threatening legal action. All the journos must be swooning in delight covering all that. Obviously who wants to cover riots, when you can sit in the cool airconditioned environs, hog on Shaadi ki Mithai and get the bytes also.

And then this become prime time news too , followed by stories of across border marriages. Now its all over TV, print and the blogosphere is buzzing too. I guess , there will be some more hoopla around this for more sometime.

Well this is what I call Paparazzi coming in post Papa being raazi for the wedding

Btw ..do have a look at this video…Celina prancing to the song  ” Sania Badnaam”

I hate those ” I didn’t mean that ” moments. I am married and I do have my fair share of marital tiffs. When my wife gives me an empty stare and expects me to decipher. And I am left dumbfounded , trying to figure out what she means.

Or sometimes when we are in middle of some life critical decision making moments, like yesterday we were trying to decide the color of buckets for our guest bathroom, she says something very vague and very destructive ” You decide“.

All married men would agree its the deadliest weapon in the arsenal. Most often than not , you would never get it right. If I am to decide , you are to respect my choice and not sulk. I am tired of being told that I don’t get what she means. Come on lady – You didn’t marry Sherlock Holmes …did you

Precisely , why I don’t like Shashi Tharoor. After Cattle Class and the candid musings about the Visa regulations…here comes the most womanly behavior from him.

First he says Saudi will make good interlocutor. Ok , they might , post they have got rid of all the sand in their mouth and done tying up those unending reams of clothes. So when, Mr. Tharoor says “Interlocutor“, I like any lay man with a limited knowledge of an imported language called English, I assume that he implies that Saudi can be a good alternate communication channel to the Pakistani’s

Yes they can, for if you have a slightest of interest in geopolitics , religion and terrorism- you would know , they are the only people who can talk to the Pakistani establishment as well as the gunmaster’s thriving in the hinterlands of Pakistan. Obviously , they control the Moolah. Remember – Money hai to Honey Hai

So putting two two’s together , I assume (Sissy) Tharoor means that he wants the Saudi’s to mediate. I guess most of you would have thought the same. In fact , for the first time Me and Arnab Goswami( Dont know???….you should watch Times Now ) were thinking alike and so were the communists and the BJP’s. Not that this was a proud moment for me…but it doesn’t hurt to have some people think like you sometimes .

And the way rest of media picked it up…I thought …this time Shashi Tharoor is in for a rough haul. And then out of the blue comes the rejoinder. I am not sure this time too he decided to use twitter to explain himself.
Shashi Tharoor - Courtesy HT
This man is surely gifted with the art of playing words. I want to challenge him to a game of scrabble actually. And this is what he says

I just said that Saudi Arabia could be a valuable interlocutor, which was misunderstood by many

Ok….I am one of the many…next comes from Twitter

Good day of mtgs, marred in some Indian media by misunderstanding of word ‘interlocutor’. An interlocutor is someone u spk to, nothing more

So he means, that all of us..me , Arnab, the commies and the Khakhi Shorts got it wrong. Yeah…yeah Mr. Tharoor , you have an upper hand, obviously we aren’t the direct descendants of Lord Macaulay as you maybe and neither we have spent years honing our ( Rapidex) English Speaking skill as you did in United Nations.( At least you could have done something to get India..that permanent place to park its posterior in the joke called security council)

Arnab …now please stop sulking , even your English is bad…ok !!!. You should join VETA ( remember ..the TV ad …the maid crooning love ballads ) or at least get TATA Sky English seekho

So Mr.(Sissy ) Tharoor , as always you never meant what you spoke. And then you use twitter to tell us this is not what you meant. Enough is enough, I will not take this anymore. You are behaving no different from how an wife defends.
“THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT”

Hey…just got a mail , its a checklist from the Minister himself. From the next time follow this checklist to interpret his comments & tweets

  • Read the statement
  • Look into Mr. Tharoor eyes ( I try this for my wife…to some extent it helps…particularly look at the eye brows…is she frowning)
  • Open a dictionary. Mind you go for the dictionary suggested by the Minister himself – Its called ” Mein Kampf with Words”. He has a handwritten draft of it , will soon be published by Foreign Ministry
  • Search for all words including connectors like to, the , and etc and then form a basic understanding of the statement
  • Pls ping the minister to check if this is what he meant
  • On confirmation from the Minister himself, pls proceed to form any opinion. Any opinion formed before that will receive a swift death by a tweet from the Minister himself.
  • People not following this will be cursed and will remain to suffer from Poor English deficiency Syndrome
  • And lastly , Mr Minister can change his mind anytime and decide to mean anything else than implied previously

Now , a question to all married men reading this….can’t you sniff a very woman like behavior from the Minister. He speaks cryptic, holds the right to interpretation, is not open for debate and above all sulks like woman. Yes, he sends tweets , very concise ones , the same way woman speak in non-cognizable monosyllabic statements.

And thats why I don’t like you any more Mr. Shashi(Sissy) Tharoor

PS: But I still love my wifey….

Image Courtesy – I found it on HT

To think or to google

Posted: June 22, 2008 in Errant musings, Web
Tags: ,

Just came back today from Mumbai after a really eventful weekend. Lots of development on the personal and the professional front. Anyways that comes later.

On my way back I read an interesting article by Andrew Sullivan in the Times of India, something which talks about how Internet has been effecting our thinking and reading habits. It was a great read, especially when I had no Internet connection handy and I had deliberately left my cell phone switched off.

Some things to ponder upon

  • How many times do you really go watch a movie or read a book before you have read its review somewhere on the net?
  • How many times do you bother to pick up a book to research a topic
  • Do you read a restaurant review before you head out there for a dinner
  • Do you also keep clicking on every link you come across a web page before you reach the end of the page

Internet has been one of the greatest tools for disseminating information but also at the same time we are becoming used to a kind of life where we hit the Internet for any curious thought. We are unknowingly becoming more and more impatient when it comes to reading or applying some original thought to any event or occurrence.

Andrew Sullivan writes in the article ” The experience of reading only one good book for a while, and allowing its themes to resonate in the mind, is what we risk losing. I would carry a single book around with me for days when younger, letting its ideas splash around in my head, not forming an instant judgment (for or against) but allowing the book to sit for a while, as the rest of the world had its say — the countryside or pavement, the crowd or train carriage, the armchair or lunch counter. Sometimes, human beings need time to think things through, to allow themselves to entertain a thought before committing to it.

With a deluge of information we are slowly building up enormous capability to scour through it but at the same time we remain detached and quite often unaffected.

Quoting from the article again Right now, we may be maximally overwhelmed by all this accessible information, but the time may come when our mastery of the new world allows us to gain more perspective on it. Here’s hoping. Shallowness, after all, does not necessarily preclude depth. We just have to find a new equilibrium between the two. We need to be both pond-skaters and scuba divers. We need to master the ability to access facts while reserving time and space to do something meaningful with them

To the questions I have listed above, I do all of it. I read reviews of books before I buy them, the same goes for visiting a restaurant or going for a movie. And quite often while browsing I end up at pages totally unrelated to what I had started from, all because I clicked on most of the links I came across on the page.  And when I have an opinion, I go online to check what others feel about it and I do get influenced by  the opinions of some unknown people out there. I sometimes wonder if so much of information available so easily will take the fun out of the small surprises life has in store for us. Quite often before I visit a place I know which restaurant to go , which route to take, what to buy and what all places are there for sightseeing. Because  I had googled for it the previous night.

Yes, I Google quite often then I think or explore anything…..what do you do?